The Thief

(Inspired by a Facebook discussion about losing things)

I usually wear contact lenses, but I have a very good, very expensive pair of glasses, with Armani frames, and progressive lenses.  They cost maybe $600, but I have had them for ten years. I have one and only one place where I put the glasses when I am not wearing them - in my briefcase.

I was watching something on television and decided to use my glasses. I can see well enough without correction to watch TV, but for some reason one night I wanted my glasses.  I went to the one and only place where I keep them, and they weren't there. I was confused. I started looking for my glasses, but, as I say, there really was only one place for them to be and I really didn't know where to begin.

I searched everywhere that I could think of. No glasses.  Then I identified a suspect:

Mr. Innocent

This cat had stolen dozens of small items - cat toys, my wife's hair thingies, refrigerator magnets, and so forth. Usually they end up under the refrigerator, but sometimes they go into another dimension of space and time (cats are known for living in another dimension). So, we figured, Smilo had grabbed my glasses.  Now the search was renewed, focusing on 'under' various things. Under the bed, under the sofa, under the refrigerator, anyplace a cat might have smacked something.  No luck.

I had another pair of glasses, but they were a really old prescription. I was in the habit of putting my lenses in mid-morning, because right after I put them in, my vision in the dark is a little blurry, and it makes it hard to deal with headlights of cars and such. So, I had been using my glasses to drive to work in the morning, and this old backup pair worked okay for looking out the window, but not so well for looking at the dashboard. I struggled for several weeks, thinking I might have to go to the eye doctor, but also thinking - damn it! - those glasses are in the house somewhere.

After a few weeks, in the middle of our home office, on the floor right out in the open where they couldn't possibly have been missed, sat my glasses case, with the glasses inside. The case had been mutilated horribly - teeth and claw marks everywhere. A hockey puck would have had an easier life.

Smilo is a Maine Coon. He was tiny when we got him, although the animal shelter said he was a year or two old.

Smilo at the shelter

Maine Coons can become quite large, and this guy is no exception. The most recent time we took him to the vet, he weighed in at 21 pounds, and he's long. He can reach up on a desk and steal a pair of glasses out of a briefcase, easily. He also opens doors, as long as they have a latch style handle and not a doorknob.  He has not figured out deadbolts.

Smilo got his name partially from his prior name, at the shelter, which was Milo, and partially for a little smirk that he wears when things are going his way, such as when he's stolen something important.  

Smilo smiling

I now have a different kind of briefcase, with a pocket that snaps shut and requires quite a bit of force (and an opposable thumb) to open.  I replaced my eyeglass case, and my glasses are now secure.